Matt Heffernan's "South Park" Page

Hey! This site is on Yahoo! now! With all the new traffic, I'm finally taking this site more seriously.

"South Park" has had a very successful run on Comedy Central since August 13, 1997. Before that, however, there were two shorts, each entitled The Spirit of Christmas, the latter being distributed on bootleg videotape, ended up at the Sundance Film Festival, and finally convinced the folks at Comedy Central that these four little boys could be the next big thing. Well, they were right. "South Park" put the struggling basic cable channel on the map and it is now beating actual networks in the Nielsen ratings (and not just UPN and the WB, but real networks).

Here is a comprehensive list of every creation associated with "South Park":

The Spirit of Christmas
Premiere:
1991 - Not Televised
Plot:
The boys build a snowman, and when one (mostly resembling Kyle, but is unnamed) tries to put a top hat on it, another (also unnamed, but resembling Stan) warns not to. The hat is put on anyway, and the snowman immediately comes to life, but is evil, with a menacing and sinister look on his face. Tentacles emerge from "Frosty", and he grabs one kid (resembling Cartman) and throws him into the snow, killing him. "Kyle" shouts "Oh my God, Frosty killed Kenny!" Apparently, his name is Kenny, however there is another boy that resembles Kenny, except he occasionally speaks intelligibly. The surviving boys go to Santa for help, but he turns out to be Frosty in disguise and kills the boy resembling Kenny. The other two boys come upon a nativity scene, and beseech the baby Jesus for help in killing Frosty. A tiny Jesus emerges, with a baby's body and a large, bearded head, and takes after Frosty. The diminutive savior throws his halo at Frosty's hat like a boomerang, knocking it off and making the snowman once more inanimate.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Both "Cartman" Kenny and the boy soon to be known as Kenny are thrown into the snow. The former's skull is crushed while the latter is decapitated.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: Yeah, don't put the magic hat on Frosty!
KYLE: No, I learned about the true spirit of Christmas.
STAN: Really?
KYLE: Yeah, Christmas isn't about Frosty, or Santa...
STAN: You're right. It's about Jesus.
KYLE: No, it's not even about Jesus, either.
STAN: Well then, what's it all about?
KYLE: Presents.
STAN: Yeah.
KYLE: You see? Presents.

The Spirit of Christmas
Premiere:
1995 - Not Televised
Plot:
Jesus appears before the four boys and asks them to take him to the mall. There he challenges Santa Claus to a kung fu match to the death. Jesus and Santa enter a deadlock and each asks the boys to help finish the other off. They are confused over whom to help: the one who died for their sins or the one who gives them presents. They wish for the help of ice skater Brian Boitano, who appears and gives some helpful advice to all. Santa and Jesus make up and the kids learn the true meaning of Christmas.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Santa throws blue trapezoids at Jesus, Jesus dodges them, and one knocks Kenny's head right off.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: ...It doesn't matter if you're Christian, or Jewish, or Atheist, or Hindu. Christmas still is about one very important thing.
CARTMAN: Yeah, ham!
STAN: No, not ham you fat f**k!
CARTMAN: F**k you!
STAN: Christmas is about something much more important!
KYLE: What?
STAN: Presents. (KYLE sighs) Don't you see Kyle? Presents!

Episode 101: Cartman Gets an Anal Probe
Premiere:
August 13, 1997
Plot:
While waiting for the bus, Cartman relates a "dream" he had about being abducted and anally probed by aliens. Kyle's baby brother, Ike, drops by and Kyle plays "kick the baby" until the bus arrives. Then, Kyle and Stan witness aliens abducting Ike while they ride away on the bus. At school, Cartman starts farting flames, but continually denies any actual abduction. Even when an 80-foot satellite dish emerges from his anus, he does not believe. The aliens find the kids by using the satellite dish, Ike escapes the mothership, and Cartman is taken away, only to be ejected later.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Blasted by aliens, trampled by a stampede of cows, and run over by Officer Barbrady.
Obligatory Lesson:
KYLE: ...Having a little brother is a pretty special thing.
STAN: Yeah.
References

Episode 102: Weight Gain 4000
Premiere:
August 20, 1997
Plot:
Cartman wins a national environmental essay contest by plagiarizing Thoreau's Walden. The prize is getting on live TV with Kathy Lee Gifford, who visits South Park. This causes Mr. Garrison to relive a traumatic childhood memory when young Kathy Lee beat him in a talent show. Mr. Hat convinces Mr. Garrison that he must kill her. Meanwhile, Cartman decides to take Weight Gain 4000 so that he can "bulk up" for his big appearance. He becomes so fat that when he is accepting the award from Kathy Lee, the stage collapses at the same moment Mr. Garrison fires at her, hitting Kenny instead. Cartman gets to be on Geraldo, Mr. Hat is committed to a mental hospital, and Chef gives Kathy Lee some sweet lovin'.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Shot by Mr. Garrison, catapulted from the stage, and impaled by a flagpole through the ears, and slowly slides down.
Obligatory Lesson:
WENDY: You can't win all the time. And if you don't win, you certainly can't hold it against the person who did, because that's the only way you ever really lose.
MR. GARRISON: You, you're right.
References

Episode 103: Volcano
Premiere:
August 27, 1997
Plot:
Jimbo takes the boys on a hunting trip on a mountain. Stan's father, a geologist, discovers that the mountain is going to erupt. The whole town pulls together to save the hunters and South Park itself. Meanwhile, the party on the mountain is unaware of the danger. Their greatest concern is Scuzzlebutt, a monster with celery for a hand, Patrick Duffy for a leg, and spends his free time weaving baskets. It turns out that the monster is friendly, and saves everybody from the volcano. For others, the "Duck and Cover" approach was ineffective against the lava. Stan shoots Scuzzlebutt to impress Jimbo, but he, Ned, and the rest of the boys have now seen the folly of guns.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Hit and crushed by a flying, flaming boulder, then shot by Ned's discarded gun.
Obligatory Lesson:
JIMBO: Stan, some things you kill, and some things you don't. See?
STAN: No.
NED: Only now, in this late hour, do I see the folly of guns. I'll never use a gun again.
References

Episode 104: Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride
Premiere:
September 3, 1997
Plot:
Stan has a new dog, Sparky (voiced by George Clooney), that is different from other dogs. He is homosexual. This troubles Stan, who has to concentrate on quarterbacking the South Park Elementary football team against Middle Park. Stan could be key in beating the 70 point spread against them. Sparky, after being hurt by Stan's feelings about his lifestyle, runs away and meets Big Gay Al. Big Gay Al has a sanctuary for animals like Sparky who need a nurturing environment, kept away from the oppressors: "Christians, Republicans, and Nazis, oh my!" Stan finds the farm, and tries to take him away and make him straight. Big Gay Al stops them and takes them on the "Big Gay Boat Ride," where Stan learns that it is OK to be gay. Stan gets back just in time for the end of the game, where he scores a touchdown pass, thereby losing by only 68 points.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Ripped apart by Middle Park's defense.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: ...It's okay to be gay.
JIMBO: What?!
STAN: Being gay is just a part of nature and a beautiful thing.
References

Episode 105: An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
Premiere:
September 10, 1997
Plot:
Kyle gets an elephant, but his parents won't let him keep it because it is too big. Cartman says that his pot-bellied pig, Fluffy, is a more ideal pet because it is so small. Mr. Garrison gives a lecture on genetic engineering, which gives Kyle the idea of making a pot-bellied elephant by splicing the genes of his elephant with Fluffy. Terrence bets that he can clone a human before Kyle can make his animal. Kyle and the boys go to the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch, where they meet a Dr. Moreau-like character, Terrence's father, Mephesto, who runs the ranch. He says that he cannot help them because, as Loverboy says, "pig and elephant DNA just won't splice." Mephesto takes some blood from Stan, which Terrence uses to make a clone. Chef tells the boys that in order to make a pot-bellied elephant, the elephant would have to make love to a pig. The boys get the animals drunk, Chef sings a duet with Elton John, and the deed is done. The Stan clone, who has a very large head, starts wreaking havoc on South Park. Mephesto kills the clone, and Terrence is left without his project. Fluffy gives birth to not an elephant, but a pig that looks suspiciously like Mr. Garrison.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Quickly burnt in a microwave oven.
Obligatory Lesson:
MEPHESTO: ...Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations. Perhaps we should just leave nature alone to its simple, one-assed schematics.
References

Episode 106: Death
Premiere:
September 17, 1997
Plot:
Stan's Grandpa turns 102, and all he wants for his birthday is Stan to kill him, like he did for his grandfather. Stan would rather watch his favorite show, "Terrance and Phillip," a show featuring two guys continually farting on each other. While Kyle is watching it, his mother becomes enraged, and calls everybody's parents. Now nobody can watch the show anymore, and the parents organize a movement to end the show. While all the parents were organizing, the boys were watching the show, except for Kenny, who was in the bathroom suffering from "explosive" diarrhea. Grandpa hands Stan a rope, and hangs himself with it. Stan does not notice because he is watching TV. Stan gets in trouble for almost killing his grandfather, and everybody finds out that he was watching "Terrance and Phillip" at the time. The parents go off to New York to confront the network about the show and, to show their protest, they start flinging themselves at the building. Back in South Park, Grandpa shows Stan what it's like being old by putting him in a dark room and playing Enya-like music. Stan now sympathizes and agrees to kill him. Death shows up when the boys have a cow suspended above Grandpa, but instead go after the boys. It was Kenny's time, not Grandpa's. In New York, the network concedes to the parents' demands, not because of the flings of death, but Kenny's diarrhea has spread among the parents, causing a massive pile of rancid feces to develop.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Touched by the cold finger of Death.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: ...You know, I think that if parents would spend less time worrying about what their kids watch on TV, and more time worrying about what's going on in their kids' lives, this world would be a much better place.
KYLE: Yeah. I think that parents only get so offended by television because they rely on it as a babysitter and the sole educator of their kids.
KENNY: (mumbles at great length)
KYLE: Totally, dude.
STAN: Good point, man.
References

Episode 107: Pink Eye
Premiere:
October 29, 1997
Plot:
Russian space station Mir crashes to Earth, killing Kenny on impact. At the morgue, Worcestershire sauce is accidentally mixed in with the embalming fluid, causing Kenny to become a brain-eating zombie. He attacks the morticians, turning them into zombies, which is diagnosed as "pink eye" by the town physician. The boys don't seem to care about the fact that Kenny is alive, much less a zombie. Chef figures out that the epidemic is not pink eye, and warns the boys about it. They find the Worcestershire sauce bottle in the morgue, which has a warning label about embalming. While Kyle calls the hotline on the bottle, Stan and Cartman start decapitating all the zombies. The hotline operator tells Kyle that only the original zombie needs to be destroyed, and all the others will revert to normal. Kyle then takes a chainsaw and cuts Kenny lengthwise ("Oh my God, I killed Kenny!").
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Hit by Mir, undead via Worcestershire Sauce, and cut lengthwise by a chainsaw.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: ...Halloween isn't about costumes, or candy. It's about being good to one another, and giving and loving.
KYLE: No, dude. That's Christmas.
STAN: Oh. Then what's Halloween about?
KYLE: Costumes and candy.
STAN: Oh.
References

Episode 109: Starvin' Marvin
Premiere:
November 19, 1997
Plot:
The boys see a commercial with Sally Struthers about adopting Ethiopian children, and getting a sports watch. Instead of getting the watch, an actual Ethiopian child is sent to South Park. They name him Starvin' Marvin. Everybody goes out for Thanksgiving dinner, and Starvin' Marvin sits next to Cartman, who doesn't let him eat. When the charity comes to pick up Starvin' Marvin at Cartman's house, they take Cartman way instead and apologize to Starvin' Marvin and give him the watch. In Ethiopia, Cartman is desperately looking for food and finds a warehouse full of Cheezy Poofs and Snacky Cakes sent for the Ethiopians, but Sally Struthers is hoarding them for herself. In South Park, Mephesto creates a species of mutant turkeys that terrorize the town. Everybody enters a "Braveheart" style war with the turkeys. In Ethiopia, Cartman exposes the food conspiracy, and goes back to South Park, and Starvin' Marvin goes home.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Eaten alive by mutant turkeys.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: ...It's really easy not to think of images on TV as real people, but they are. That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials, but people on TV are just as real as you or I.
KYLE: Yeah, and that means that MacGuyver is a real person, too.
References

Quickie: Jay Leno Visits South Park
Premiere:
November 25, 1997 - on the Tonight Show
Plot:
Jay Leno visits Mr. Garrison's class to tell about the meaning of Thanksgiving. The kids are more interested in his chin. The chin sends a bust careening onto Kenny's head while he is leaving in disgust. A helicopter rotor comes out of an opening in his chin, and he flies away.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Head crushed in by a bust of George Washington.

Music Video: Cartman Sings "O, Holy Night"
Premiere:
December 1997
Plot:
Mr. Garrison tells Cartman to sing "O, Holy Night," but if he misses any lyrics, Kyle is instructed to zap him with a cattle prod. A zap right before the climax at the end of the song transforms Cartman's voice into a clear tenor.

Music Video: Ned Sings "Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem"
Premiere:
December 1997
Plot:
Jimbo plays the guitar while Ned sings with his "cancer kazoo." Jimbo says that Ned's electronic monotone is getting "flat." By the end, Ned's voice box batteries go dead.

Episode 110: Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo
Premiere:
December 17, 1997
Plot:
The kids are rehearsing a Christmas pageant, and Kyle's mother complains that it is favoring Christianity and not catering to people of other religions. Kyle suggests singing "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" because he is a non-denominational hero to all children that rewards eating fiber. Nobody believes in Mr. Hankey except for Kyle, who is visited by the Christmas poo while in his bathroom. When his parents enter the bathroom, Mr. Hankey is no longer animated, and they think that Kyle has been playing with his own feces. The complaints about the play continue, and all religious elements are removed from the play. Kyle is committed to a mental hospital for his delusions after he shows up to rehearsal with "Mr. Hankey" in a box. The play is scored by Philip Glass, who makes it an avant garde ballet. Of course, this is even more upsetting. When Chef finds out about Kyle, he says that he also believes in Mr. Hankey, who appears finally to everybody, and Kyle is released.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Despite many precarious circumstances, Kenny survives an episode for the first time.
Obligatory Lesson:
MR. HANKEY: Come on gang, don't fight! You people focus so hard on the things wrong with Christmas, that you've forgotten what's so right about it. Don't you see? This is the one time of year we're supposed to forget all the bad stuff, stop worryin' and bein' sad about the state of the world, and for just one day say "Aw, to heck with it. Let's sing and dance and bake cookies."
References

Episode 108: Damien
Premiere:
February 4, 1998
Plot:
The incubus, Damien, moves to South Park. The kids are mean to him because he is the son of Satan. He casts evil spells on everybody that gets him mad, including Kenny who get turned into a platypus. Damien demands to see Jesus, who he challenges to a boxing match with his father. Everybody initially bets on Jesus, until Satan makes his appearance for the weigh-in, and everybody changes their bet to Satan because he is about four times as big as Jesus. The boys continue to support Jesus in his match. Jesus is losing the fight until Satan takes a dive. Satan reveals that he was backing all the bets, taking everybody's money.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Confused for a real platypus, and shot by Jimbo after the boxing match.
Obligatory Lesson:
STAN: Parents can be so cruel. Don't they realize that what a child needs more than anything is security?
References

Episode 111: Tom's Rhinoplasty
Premiere:
February 11, 1998
Plot:
Mr. Garrison decides to get a nose job. On the day of his operation, he gets Ms. Ellen (voiced by Natasha Henstridge) to substitute for him. After the operation is complete, he looks like David Hasselhoff, and discovers that he can have his dream career: hanging out and screwing hot chicks. Now Ms. Ellen is the new teacher, but that is OK because the boys all have a crush on her, especially Stan, which makes Wendy extremely jealous. The boys find out that Ms. Ellen is a lesbian, but they don't know what that is. Wendy disposes of Ms. Ellen by revealing that she is an Iraqi spy. The Iraqi government captures her and shoots her into the sun. Mr. Garrison decides that being sexy is too taxing, and gets his old nose back and starts teaching again.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Ms. Ellen throws an Iraqi army sword, which pierces Kenny's head right between the eyes and pins him to the wall.
Obligatory Lesson:
WENDY: Don't f**k with Wendy Testaburger.
References

Episode 112: Mecha-Streisand
Premiere:
February 18, 1998
Plot:
Mr. Garrison takes his class on an archeological dig for arrowheads. Cartman finds a mysterious triangle, but throws it away and Kyle takes it. Kyle gets all sorts of attention for it, and Cartman wants it back. The kids get on TV about this important discovery, which captures the attention of Leonard Maltin. He comes to South Park to warn about Barbra Streisand's desire to get the triangle. She already has a similar one, and with both, she can conquer the world. She comes to South Park and tries to get it from the kids. She kidnaps them and takes them to her mountain home. She puts the two triangles together and becomes Mecha-Streisand. Maltin asks Chef to call Robert Smith of The Cure (who voices himself) to help. She starts destroying South Park, and Maltin becomes Mecha-Maltin and tries in vain to stop her. Sidney Poitier hears about it and comes to South Park to help as Mecha-Poitier, which resembles Gamera. Maltin and Poitier together are still no match. Smith shows up and turns into a Mothra-like character. Maltin says that Mecha-Streisand's weak point is her nose. Smith shoots his robo-fist at her and the triangles fall out of her nose. He then smashes her to bits, ridding the planet of Streisand forever.
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Accidentally hangs himself while playing tetherball.
Obligatory Lesson:
KYLE: ...People who want power, a lot of power, always end up dead.
STAN: Yeah.
CARTMAN: Yeah, I've learned something too: Robert Smith kicks ass!
References

Episode 113: Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut
Premiere:
February 25, 1998
Plot:
Cartman has been absent for school for some time, and the boys go to his house to find out what's wrong. Cartman has become depressed about not having a father and is giving tea parties to dolls in his backyard. Cartman confronts his Mother about it, and she says that he was conceived at the 12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance. The last she remembers, Chief Running Water was with her. Cartman finds him, but he says Chef was the last man with her. Cartman asks Chef, but he says that it was Mr. Garrison that was there last. When Cartman confronts Mr. Garrison, he says that everybody in town has had Mrs. Cartman, including the 1989 Denver Broncos. Mephesto offers a DNA test to find the real father. The show ends with Mephesto opening the results. To be continued...
Kenny's Cause of Death:
Dragged by the pull-cord of a go-kart and run over by a train.
References

If you find any errors in this guide, please email corrections to me. I will verify any corrections sent and update the guide as soon as possible.

Main Page
"South Park" Icons
Magazine Cover Gallery

Last updated on November 2, 1999

Mail me! matt@slithy.com